The Metamorphosis Franz
Kafka
One morning, as Gregor Samsa was waking up from anxious dreams, he
discovered that in bed he had been changed into a monstrous verminous bug. He
lay on his armour-hard back and saw, as he lifted his head up a little, his
brown, arched abdomen divided up into rigid bow-like sections. From this height
the blanket, just about ready to slide off completely, could hardly stay in
place. His numerous legs, pitifully thin in comparison to the rest of his
circumference, flickered helplessly before his eyes.
‘What’s happened to me,’ he thought. It was no dream. His room, a
proper room for a human being, only somewhat too small, lay quietly between the
four well-known walls. Above the table, on which an unpacked collection of
sample cloth goods was spread out (Samsa was a traveling salesman) hung the
picture which he had cut out of an illustrated magazine a little while ago and
set in a pretty gilt frame. It was a picture of a woman with a fur hat and a
fur boa. She sat erect there, lifting up in the direction of the viewer a solid
fur muff into which her entire forearm disappeared.
Gregor’s glance then turned to the window. The dreary weather (the
rain drops were falling audibly down on the
The Metamorphosis 4 of 96
metal
window ledge) made him quite melancholy. ‘Why don’t I keep sleeping for a
little while longer and forget all this foolishness,’ he thought. But this was
entirely impractical, for he was used to sleeping on his right side, and in his
present state he couldn’t get himself into this position. No matter how hard he
threw himself onto his right side, he always rolled again onto his back. He
must have tried it a hundred times, closing his eyes, so that he would not have
to see the wriggling legs, and gave up only when he began to feel a light, dull
pain in his side which he had never felt before.
‘O
God,’ he thought, ‘what a demanding job I’ve chosen! Day in, day out on the
road. The stresses of trade are much greater than the work going on at head
office, and, in addition to that, I have to deal with the problems of
traveling, the worries about train connections, irregular bad food, temporary
and constantly changing human relationships which never come from the heart. To
hell with it all!’ He felt a slight itching on the top of his abdomen. He
slowly pushed himself on his back closer to the bed post so that he could lift
his head more easily, found the itchy part, which was entirely covered with
small white spots (he did not know what to make of them), and wanted to feel
the place with a leg. But he The Metamorphosis 5 of 96
retracted
it immediately, for the contact felt like a cold shower all over him.
He
slid back again into his earlier position. ‘This getting up early,’ he thought,
‘makes a man quite idiotic. A man must have his sleep. Other traveling salesmen
live like harem women. For instance, when I come back to the inn during the
course of the morning to write up the necessary orders, these gentlemen are
just sitting down to breakfast. If I were to try that with my boss, I’d be
thrown out on the spot. Still, who knows whether that mightn’t be really good
for me. If I didn’t hold back for my parents’ sake, I would’ve quit ages ago. I
would’ve gone to the boss and told him just what I think from the bottom of my
heart. He would’ve fallen right off his desk! How weird it is to sit up at the
desk and talk down to the employee from way up there. The boss has trouble
hearing, so the employee has to step up quite close to him. Anyway, I haven’t
completely given up that hope yet. Once I’ve got together the money to pay off
the parents’ debt to him—that should take another five or six years—I’ll do it
for sure. Then I’ll make the big break. In any case, right now I have to get
up. My train leaves at five o’clock.’
And
he looked over at the alarm clock ticking away by the chest of drawers. ‘Good
God,’ he thought. It was half The Metamorphosis 6 of 96
past
six, and the hands were going quietly on. It was past the half hour, already
nearly quarter to. Could the alarm have failed to ring? One saw from the bed
that it was properly set for four o’clock. Certainly it had rung. Yes, but was
it possible to sleep through this noise that made the furniture shake? Now,
it’s true he’d not slept quietly, but evidently he’d slept all the more deeply.
Still, what should he do now? The next train left at seven o’clock. To catch
that one, he would have to go in a mad rush. The sample collection wasn’t
packed up yet, and he really didn’t feel particularly fresh and active. And even
if he caught the train, there was no avoiding a blow up with the boss, because
the firm’s errand boy would’ve waited for the five o’clock train and reported
the news of his absence long ago. He was the boss’s minion, without backbone or
intelligence. Well then, what if he reported in sick? But that would be
extremely embarrassing and suspicious, because during his five years’ service
Gregor hadn’t been sick even once. The boss would certainly come with the
doctor from the health insurance company and would reproach his parents for
their lazy son and cut short all objections with the insurance doctor’s
comments; for him everyone was completely healthy but really lazy about work.
And besides, would the doctor in this case be totally The
Metamorphosis 7 of 96
wrong?
Apart from a really excessive drowsiness after the long sleep, Gregor in fact
felt quite well and even had a really strong appetite.
As
he was thinking all this over in the greatest haste, without being able to make
the decision to get out of bed (the alarm clock was indicating exactly quarter
to seven) there was a cautious knock on the door by the head of the bed.
‘Gregor,’
a voice called (it was his mother!) ‘it’s quarter to seven. Don’t you want to
be on your way?’ The soft voice! Gregor was startled when he heard his voice
answering. It was clearly and unmistakably his earlier voice, but in it was
intermingled, as if from below, an irrepressibly painful squeaking which left
the words positively distinct only in the first moment and distorted them in
the reverberation, so that one didn’t know if one had heard correctly. Gregor
wanted to answer in detail and explain everything, but in these circumstances
he confined himself to saying, ‘Yes, yes, thank you mother. I’m getting up
right away.’ Because of the wooden door the change in Gregor’s voice was not
really noticeable outside, so his mother calmed down with this explanation and
shuffled off. However, as a result of the short conversation the other family
members became aware of The Metamorphosis 8 of 96
the
fact that Gregor was unexpectedly still at home, and already his father was
knocking on one side door, weakly but with his fist. ‘Gregor, Gregor,’ he
called out, ‘what’s going on?’ And after a short while he urged him on again in
a deeper voice. ‘Gregor!’ Gregor!’ At the other side door, however, his sister
knocked lightly. ‘Gregor? Are you all right? Do you need anything?’ Gregor
directed answers in both directions, ‘I’ll be ready right away.’ He made an
effort with the most careful articulation and by inserting long pauses between
the individual words to remove everything remarkable from his voice. His father
turned back to his breakfast. However, the sister whispered, ‘Gregor, open the
door, I beg you.’ Gregor had no intention of opening the door, but
congratulated himself on his precaution, acquired from traveling, of locking
all doors during the night, even at home.
First
he wanted to stand up quietly and undisturbed, get dressed, above all have
breakfast, and only then consider further action, for (he noticed this clearly)
by thinking things over in bed he would not reach a reasonable conclusion. He
remembered that he had already often felt a light pain or other in bed, perhaps
the result of an awkward lying position, which later turned out to be purely
imaginary when he stood up, and he was eager to The
Metamorphosis 9 of 96
see
how his present fantasies would gradually dissipate. That the change in his
voice was nothing other than the onset of a real chill, an occupational illness
of commercial travelers, of that he had not the slightest doubt.
It
was very easy to throw aside the blanket. He needed only to push himself up a
little, and it fell by itself. But to continue was difficult, particularly
because he was so unusually wide. He needed arms and hands to push himself
upright. Instead of these, however, he had only many small limbs which were
incessantly moving with very different motions and which, in addition, he was
unable to control. If he wanted to bend one of them, then it was the first to
extend itself, and if he finally succeeded doing with this limb what he wanted,
in the meantime all the others, as if left free, moved around in an excessively
painful agitation. ‘But I must not stay in bed uselessly,’ said Gregor to himself.
At
first he wanted to get of the bed with the lower part of his body, but this
lower part (which he incidentally had not yet looked at and which he also
couldn’t picture clearly) proved itself too difficult to move. The attempt went
so slowly. When, having become almost frantic, he finally hurled himself
forward with all his force and without thinking, he chose his direction
incorrectly, and The Metamorphosis 10 of 96
he
hit the lower bedpost hard. The violent pain he felt revealed to him that the
lower part of his body was at the moment probably the most sensitive.
Thus,
he tried to get his upper body out of the bed first and turned his head
carefully toward the edge of the bed. He managed to do this easily, and in
spite of its width and weight his body mass at last slowly followed the turning
of his head. But as he finally raised his head outside the bed in the open air,
he became anxious about moving forward any further in this manner, for if he
allowed himself eventually to fall by this process, it would take a miracle to
prevent his head from getting injured. And at all costs he must not lose
consciousness right now. He preferred to remain in bed.
However,
after a similar effort, while he lay there again sighing as before and once
again saw his small limbs fighting one another, if anything worse than before,
and didn’t see any chance of imposing quiet and order on this arbitrary
movement, he told himself again that he couldn’t possibly remain in bed and
that it might be the most reasonable thing to sacrifice everything if there was
even the slightest hope of getting himself out of bed in the process. At the
same moment, however, he didn’t forget to remind himself from time to time of
the fact that calm The Metamorphosis 11 of 96
(indeed
the calmest) reflection might be better than the most confused decisions. At
such moments, he directed his gaze as precisely as he could toward the window,
but unfortunately there was little confident cheer to be had from a glance at
the morning mist, which concealed even the other side of the narrow street.
‘It’s already seven o’clock’ he told himself at the latest striking of the
alarm clock, ‘already seven o’clock and still such a fog.’ And for a little
while longer he lay quietly with weak breathing, as if perhaps waiting for
normal and natural conditions to re-emerge out of the complete stillness.
But
then he said to himself, ‘Before it strikes a quarter past seven, whatever
happens I must be completely out of bed. Besides, by then someone from the
office will arrive to inquire about me, because the office will open before
seven o’clock.’ And he made an effort then to rock his entire body length out
of the bed with a uniform motion. If he let himself fall out of the bed in this
way, his head, which in the course of the fall he intended to lift up sharply,
would probably remain uninjured. His back seemed to be hard; nothing would
really happen to that as a result of the fall. His greatest reservation was a
worry about the loud noise which the fall must create and which presumably
would arouse, if not fright, then at least The Metamorphosis 12 of 96
concern
on the other side of all the doors. However, it had to be tried.
As
Gregor was in the process of lifting himself half out of bed (the new method
was more of a game than an effort; he needed only to rock with a constant
rhythm) it struck him how easy all this would be if someone were to come to his
aid. Two strong people (he thought of his father and the servant girl) would
have been quite sufficient. They would have only had to push their arms under
his arched back to get him out of the bed, to bend down with their load, and
then merely to exercise patience and care that he completed the flip onto the
floor, where his diminutive legs would then, he hoped, acquire a purpose. Now,
quite apart from the fact that the doors were locked, should he really call out
for help? In spite of all his distress, he was unable to suppress a smile at
this idea.
He
had already got to the point where, with a stronger rocking, he maintained his
equilibrium with difficulty, and very soon he would finally have to decide, for
in five minutes it would be a quarter past seven. Then there was a ring at the
door of the apartment. ‘That’s someone from the office’ he told himself, and he
almost froze while his small limbs only danced around all the faster. For one The
Metamorphosis 13 of 96
moment
everything remained still. ‘They aren’t opening,’ Gregor said to himself,
caught up in some absurd hope. But of course then, as usual, the servant girl
with her firm tread went to the door and opened it. Gregor needed to hear only
the visitor’s first word of greeting to recognize immediately who it was, the
manager himself. Why was Gregor the only one condemned to work in a firm where
at the slightest lapse someone immediately attracted the greatest suspicion?
Were all the employees then collectively, one and all, scoundrels? Was there
then among them no truly devoted person who, if he failed to use just a couple
of hours in the morning for office work, would become abnormal from pangs of
conscience and really be in no state to get out of bed? Was it really not
enough to let an apprentice make inquiries, if such questioning was even
necessary? Must the manager himself come, and in the process must it be
demonstrated to the entire innocent family that the investigation of this
suspicious circumstance could only be entrusted to the intelligence of the
manager? And more as a consequence of the excited state in which this idea put
Gregor than as a result of an actual decision, he swung himself with all his
might out of the bed. There was a loud thud, but not a real crash. The fall was
absorbed somewhat by the carpet The Metamorphosis 14 of 96
and,
in addition, his back was more elastic than Gregor had thought. For that reason
the dull noise was not quite so conspicuous. But he had not held his head up
with sufficient care and had hit it. He turned his head, irritated and in pain,
and rubbed it on the carpet.
‘Something
has fallen in there,’ said the manager in the next room on the left. Gregor
tried to imagine to himself whether anything similar to what was happening to
him today could have also happened at some point to the manager. At least one
had to concede the possibility of such a thing. However, as if to give a rough
answer to this question, the manager now took a few determined steps in the
next room, with a squeak of his polished boots. From the neighbouring room on
the right the sister was whispering to inform Gregor: ‘Gregor, the manager is
here.’ ‘I know,’ said Gregor to himself. But he did not dare make his voice
loud enough so that his sister could hear.
‘Gregor,’
his father now said from the neighbouring room on the left, ‘Mr. Manager has
come and is asking why you have not left on the early train. We don’t know what
we should tell him. Besides, he also wants to speak to you personally. So
please open the door. He will good enough to forgive the mess in your room.’ The
Metamorphosis 15 of 96
In
the middle of all this, the manager called out in a friendly way, ‘Good
morning, Mr. Samsa.’ ‘He is not well,’ said his mother to the manager, while
his father was still talking at the door, ‘He is not well, believe me, Mr.
Manager. Otherwise how would Gregor miss a train! The young man has nothing in
his head except business. I’m almost angry that he never goes out at night.
Right now he’s been in the city eight days, but he’s been at home every
evening. He sits there with us at the table and reads the newspaper quietly or
studies his travel schedules. It’s a quite a diversion for him if he busies
himself with fretwork. For instance, he cut out a small frame over the course
of two or three evenings. You’d be amazed how pretty it is. It’s hanging right
inside the room. You’ll see it immediately, as soon as Gregor opens the door.
Anyway, I’m happy that you’re here, Mr. Manager. By ourselves, we would never
have made Gregor open the door. He’s so stubborn, and he’s certainly not well,
although he denied that this morning.’
‘I’m
coming right away,’ said Gregor slowly and deliberately and didn’t move, so as
not to lose one word of the conversation. ‘My dear lady, I cannot explain it to
myself in any other way,’ said the manager; ‘I hope it is nothing serious. On
the other hand, I must also say that
The Metamorphosis 16 of 96
we
business people, luckily or unluckily, however one looks at it, very often
simply have to overcome a slight indisposition for business reasons.’ ‘So can
Mr. Manager come in to see you now’ asked his father impatiently and knocked
once again on the door. ‘No,’ said Gregor. In the neighbouring room on the left
a painful stillness descended. In the neighbouring room on the right the sister
began to sob.
Why
didn’t his sister go to the others? She’d probably just gotten up out of bed
now and hadn’t even started to get dressed yet. Then why was she crying?
Because he wasn’t getting up and wasn’t letting the manager in; because he was
in danger of losing his position, and because then his boss would badger his
parents once again with the old demands? Those were probably unnecessary
worries right now. Gregor was still here and wasn’t thinking at all about
abandoning his family. At the moment he was lying right there on the carpet,
and no one who knew about his condition would’ve seriously demanded that he let
the manager in. But Gregor wouldn’t be casually dismissed right way because of
this small discourtesy, for which he would find an easy and suitable excuse
later on. It seemed to Gregor that it might be far more reasonable to leave him
in peace at the The Metamorphosis 17 of 96
moment,
instead of disturbing him with crying and conversation. But it was the very
uncertainty which distressed the others and excused their behaviour.
‘Mr.
Samsa,’ the manager was now shouting, his voice raised, ‘what’s the matter? You
are barricading yourself in your room, answer with only a yes and a no, are
making serious and unnecessary troubles for your parents, and neglecting (I
mention this only incidentally) your commercial duties in a truly unheard of
manner. I am speaking here in the name of your parents and your employer, and I
am requesting you in all seriousness for an immediate and clear explanation. I
am amazed. I am amazed. I thought I knew you as a calm, reasonable person, and
now you appear suddenly to want to start parading around in weird moods. The
Chief indicated to me earlier this very day a possible explanation for your
neglect—it concerned the collection of cash entrusted to you a short while
ago—but in truth I almost gave him my word of honour that this explanation
could not be correct. However, now I see here your unimaginable pig headedness,
and I am totally losing any desire to speak up for you in the slightest. And
your position is not at all the most secure. Originally I intended to mention
all this to you privately, but since you are letting me waste my time The
Metamorphosis 18 of 96
here
uselessly, I don’t know why the matter shouldn’t come to the attention of your
parents. Your productivity has also been very unsatisfactory recently. Of
course, it’s not the time of year to conduct exceptional business, we recognize
that, but a time of year for conducting no business, there is no such thing at
all, Mr. Samsa, and such a thing must never be.’
‘But
Mr. Manager,’ called Gregor, beside himself and in his agitation forgetting
everything else, ‘I’m opening the door immediately, this very moment. A slight
indisposition, a dizzy spell, has prevented me from getting up. I’m still lying
in bed right now. But now I’m quite refreshed once again. I’m in the midst of
getting out of bed. Just have patience for a short moment! Things are not going
so well as I thought. But things are all right. How suddenly this can overcome
someone! Just yesterday evening everything was fine with me. My parents
certainly know that. Actually just yesterday evening I had a small premonition.
People must have seen that in me. Why have I not reported that to the office!
But people always think that they’ll get over sickness without having to stay
at home. Mr. Manager! Take it easy on my parents! There is really no basis for
the criticisms which you are now making against me, and really nobody has said
a word to The Metamorphosis 19 of 96
me
about that. Perhaps you have not read the latest orders which I shipped.
Besides, now I’m setting out on my trip on the eight o’clock train; the few
hours’ rest have made me stronger. Mr. Manager, do not stay. I will be at the
office in person right away. Please have the goodness to say that and to convey
my respects to the Chief.’
While
Gregor was quickly blurting all this out, hardly aware of what he was saying,
he had moved close to the chest of drawers without effort, probably as a result
of the practice he had already had in bed, and now he was trying to raise
himself up on it. Actually, he wanted to open the door; he really wanted to let
himself be seen by and to speak with the manager. He was keen to witness what
the others now asking after him would say at the sight of him. If they were
startled, then Gregor had no more responsibility and could be calm. But if they
accepted everything quietly, then he would have no reason to get excited and,
if he got a move on, could really be at the station around eight o’clock.
At
first he slid down a few times from the smooth chest of drawers. But at last he
gave himself a final swing and stood upright there. He was no longer at all
aware of the pains in his lower body, no matter how they might still sting. Now
he let himself fall against the back of a nearby The
Metamorphosis 20 of 96
chair,
on the edge of which he braced himself with his thin limbs. By doing this he
gained control over himself and kept quiet, for he could now hear the manager.
‘Did
you understood a single word?’ the manager asked the parents, ‘Is he playing
the fool with us?’ ‘For God’s sake,’ cried the mother already in tears,
‘perhaps he’s very ill and we’re upsetting him. Grete! Grete!’ she yelled at
that point. ‘Mother?’ called the sister from the other side. They were making
themselves understood through Gregor’s room. ‘You must go to the doctor right
away. Gregor is sick. Hurry to the doctor. Have you heard Gregor speak yet?’
‘That was an animal’s voice,’ said the manager, remarkably quietly in
comparison to the mother’s cries.
‘Anna!
Anna!’ yelled the father through the hall into the kitchen, clapping his hands,
‘fetch a locksmith right away!’ The two young women were already running
through the hall with swishing skirts (how had his sister dressed herself so
quickly?) and yanked open the doors of the apartment. One couldn’t hear the
doors closing at all. They probably had left them open, as is customary in an
apartment in which a huge misfortune has taken place.
However,
Gregor had become much calmer. All right, people did not understand his words
any more, although The Metamorphosis 21 of 96
they
seemed clear enough to him, clearer than previously, perhaps because his ears
had gotten used to them. But at least people now thought that things were not
all right with him and were prepared to help him. The confidence and assurance
with which the first arrangements had been carried out made him feel good. He
felt himself included once again in the circle of humanity and was expecting
from both the doctor and the locksmith, without differentiating between them
with any real precision, splendid and surprising results. In order to get as
clear a voice as possible for the critical conversation which was imminent, he
coughed a little, and certainly took the trouble to do this in a really subdued
way, since it was possible that even this noise sounded like something
different from a human cough. He no longer trusted himself to decide any more.
Meanwhile in the next room it had become really quiet. Perhaps his parents were
sitting with the manager at the table and were whispering; perhaps they were
all leaning against the door and listening.
Gregor
pushed himself slowly towards the door, with the help of the easy chair, let go
of it there, threw himself against the door, held himself upright against it
(the balls of his tiny limbs had a little sticky stuff on them), and The
Metamorphosis 22 of 96
rested
there momentarily from his exertion. Then he made an effort to turn the key in
the lock with his mouth. Unfortunately it seemed that he had no real teeth. How
then was he to grab hold of the key? But to make up for that his jaws were
naturally very strong; with their help he managed to get the key really moving,
and he did not notice that he was obviously inflicting some damage on himself,
for a brown fluid came out of his mouth, flowed over the key, and dripped onto the
floor.
‘Just
listen for a moment,’ said the manager in the next room, ‘he’s turning the
key.’ For Gregor that was a great encouragement. But they all should’ve called
out to him, including his father and mother, ‘Come on, Gregor,’ they should’ve
shouted, ‘keep going, keep working on the lock.’ Imagining that all his efforts
were being followed with suspense, he bit down frantically on the key with all
the force he could muster. As the key turned more, he danced around the lock.
Now he was holding himself upright only with his mouth, and he had to hang onto
the key or then press it down again with the whole weight of his body, as
necessary. The quite distinct click of the lock as it finally snapped really
woke Gregor up. Breathing heavily he said to himself, ‘So I didn’t need the
locksmith,’ The Metamorphosis 23 of 96
and
he set his head against the door handle to open the door completely.
Because
he had to open the door in this way, it was already open very wide without him
yet being really visible. He first had to turn himself slowly around the edge
of the door, very carefully, of course, if he did not want to fall awkwardly on
his back right at the entrance into the room. He was still preoccupied with
this difficult movement and had no time to pay attention to anything else, when
he heard the manager exclaim a loud ‘Oh!’ (it sounded like the wind whistling),
and now he saw him, nearest to the door, pressing his hand against his open
mouth and moving slowly back, as if an invisible constant force was pushing him
away. His mother (in spite of the presence of the manager she was standing here
with her hair sticking up on end, still a mess from the night) with her hands
clasped was looking at his father; she then went two steps towards Gregor and
collapsed right in the middle of her skirts spreading out all around her, her
face sunk on her breast, completely concealed. His father clenched his fist
with a hostile expression, as if he wished to push Gregor back into his room,
then looked uncertainly around the living room, covered his eyes with his
hands, and cried so that his mighty breast shook. The
Metamorphosis 24 of 96
At
this point Gregor did not take one step into the room, but leaned his body from
the inside against the firmly bolted wing of the door, so that only half his
body was visible, as well as his head, titled sideways, with which he peeped
over at the others. Meanwhile it had become much brighter. Standing out clearly
from the other side of the street was a part of the endless gray-black house situated
opposite (it was a hospital) with its severe regular windows breaking up the
facade. The rain was still coming down, but only in large individual drops
visibly and firmly thrown down one by one onto the ground. The breakfast dishes
were standing piled around on the table, because for his father breakfast was
the most important meal time in the day, which he prolonged for hours by
reading various newspapers. Directly across on the opposite wall hung a
photograph of Gregor from the time of his military service; it was a picture of
him as a lieutenant, as he, smiling and worry free, with his hand on his sword,
demanded respect for his bearing and uniform. The door to the hall was ajar,
and since the door to the apartment was also open, one saw out into the landing
of the apartment and the start of the staircase going down.
‘Now,’
said Gregor, well aware that he was the only one who had kept his composure.
‘I’ll get dressed right The Metamorphosis 25 of 96
away,
pack up the collection of samples, and set off. You’ll allow me to set out on
my way, will you not? You see, Mr. Manager, I am not pig-headed, and I am happy
to work. Traveling is exhausting, but I couldn’t live without it. Where are you
going, Mr. Manager? To the office? Really? Will you report everything
truthfully? A person can be incapable of work momentarily, but that is
precisely the best time to remember the earlier achievements and to consider
that later, after the obstacles have been shoved aside, the person will work
all the more keenly and intensely. I am really so indebted to Mr. Chief—you
know that perfectly well. On the other hand, I am concerned about my parents
and my sister. I’m in a fix, but I’ll work myself out of it again. Don’t make
things more difficult for me than they already are. Speak up on my behalf in
the office! People don’t like traveling salesmen. I know that. People think
they earn pots of money and thus lead a fine life. People don’t even have any
special reason to think through this judgment more clearly. But you, Mr.
Manager, you have a better perspective on the interconnections than the other
people, even, I tell you in total confidence, a better perspective than Mr.
Chairman himself, who in his capacity as the employer may let his judgment make
casual mistakes at the The Metamorphosis 26 of 96
expense
of an employee. You also know well enough that the traveling salesman who is
outside the office almost the entire year can become so easily a victim of
gossip, coincidences, and groundless complaints, against which it’s impossible
for him to defend himself, since for the most part he doesn’t hear about them
at all and only then when he’s exhausted after finishing a trip, and gets to
feel in his own body at home the nasty consequences, which can’t be thoroughly
explored back to their origins. Mr. Manager, don’t leave without speaking a
word telling me that you’ll at least concede that I’m a little in the right!’
But
at Gregor’s first words the manager had already turned away, and now he looked
back at Gregor over his twitching shoulders with pursed lips. During Gregor’s
speech he was not still for a moment, but was moving away towards the door,
without taking his eyes off Gregor, but really gradually, as if there was a
secret ban on leaving the room. He was already in the hall, and after the
sudden movement with which he finally pulled his foot out of the living room,
one could have believed that he had just burned the sole of his foot. In the
hall, however, he stretched out his right hand away from his body towards the staircase,
as if some truly supernatural relief was waiting for him there. The
Metamorphosis 27 of 96
Gregor
realized that he must not under any circumstances allow the manager to go away
in this frame of mind, especially if his position in the firm was not to be
placed in the greatest danger. His parents did not understand all this very
well. Over the long years, they had developed the conviction that Gregor was
set up for life in his firm and, in addition, they had so much to do nowadays
with their present troubles that all foresight was foreign to them. But Gregor
had this foresight. The manager must be held back, calmed down, convinced, and
finally won over. The future of Gregor and his family really depended on it! If
only the sister had been there! She was clever. She had already cried while
Gregor was still lying quietly on his back. And the manager, this friend of the
ladies, would certainly let himself be guided by her. She would have closed the
door to the apartment and talked him out of his fright in the hall. But the
sister was not even there. Gregor must deal with it himself.
Without
thinking that as yet he didn’t know anything about his present ability to move
and without thinking that his speech possibly (indeed probably) had once again
not been understood, he left the wing of the door, pushed himself through the
opening, and wanted to go over to the manager, who was already holding tight
onto the
The Metamorphosis 28 of 96
handrail
with both hands on the landing in a ridiculous way. But as he looked for
something to hold onto, with a small scream Gregor immediately fell down onto
his numerous little legs. Scarcely had this happened, when he felt for the
first time that morning a general physical well being. The small limbs had firm
floor under them; they obeyed perfectly, as he noticed to his joy, and strove
to carry him forward in the direction he wanted. Right away he believed that
the final amelioration of all his suffering was immediately at hand. But at the
very moment when he lay on the floor rocking in a restrained manner quite close
and directly across from his mother (apparently totally sunk into herself) she
suddenly sprang right up with her arms spread far apart and her fingers extended
and cried out, ‘Help, for God’s sake, help!’ She held her head bowed down, as
if she wanted to view Gregor better, but ran senselessly back, contradicting
that gesture, forgetting that behind her stood the table with all the dishes on
it. When she reached the table, she sat down heavily on it, as if
absent-mindedly, and did not appear to notice at all that next to her coffee
was pouring out onto the carpet in a full stream from the large overturned
container.
‘Mother,
mother,’ said Gregor quietly, and looked over towards her. The manager
momentarily had disappeared The Metamorphosis 29 of 96
completely
from his mind; by contrast, at the sight of the flowing coffee he couldn’t stop
himself snapping his jaws in the air a few times . At that his mother screamed
all over again, hurried from the table, and collapsed into the arms of his
father, who was rushing towards her. But Gregor had no time right now for his
parents: the manager was already on the staircase. His chin level with the
banister, the manager looked back for the last time. Gregor took an initial
movement to catch up to him if possible. But the manager must have suspected
something, because he made a leap down over a few stairs and disappeared, still
shouting ‘Huh!’ The sound echoed throughout the entire stairwell.
Now,
unfortunately this flight of the manager also seemed completely to bewilder his
father, who earlier had been relatively calm, for instead of running after the
manager himself or at least not hindering Gregor from his pursuit, with his
right hand he grabbed hold of the manager’s cane, which he had left behind with
his hat and overcoat on a chair. With his left hand, his father picked up a
large newspaper from the table and, stamping his feet on the floor, he set out
to drive Gregor back into his room by waving the cane and the newspaper. No
request of Gregor’s was of any use; no request would even be The
Metamorphosis 30 of 96
understood.
No matter how willing he was to turn his head respectfully, his father just
stomped all the harder with his feet.
Across
the room from him his mother had pulled open a window, in spite of the cool
weather, and leaning out with her hands on her cheeks, she pushed her face far
outside the window. Between the alley and the stair well a strong draught came
up, the curtains on the window flew around, the newspapers on the table
swished, and individual sheets fluttered down over the floor. The father
relentlessly pressed forward pushing out sibilants, like a wild man. Now,
Gregor had no practice at all in going backwards; it was really going very
slowly. If Gregor only had been allowed to turn himself around, he would have
been in his room right away, but he was afraid to make his father impatient by
the time-consuming process of turning around, and each moment he faced the
threat of a mortal blow on his back or his head from the cane in his father’s
hand. Finally Gregor had no other option, for he noticed with horror that he
did not understand yet how to maintain his direction going backwards. And so he
began, amid constantly anxious sideways glances in his father’s direction, to
turn himself around as quickly as possible (although in truth this was only
very slowly). Perhaps his The Metamorphosis 31 of 96
father
noticed his good intentions, for he did not disrupt Gregor in this motion, but
with the tip of the cane from a distance he even directed here and there
Gregor’s rotating movement.
If
only there hadn’t been his father’s unbearable hissing! Because of that Gregor
totally lost his head. He was already almost totally turned around, when,
always with this hissing in his ear, he just made a mistake and turned himself
back a little. But when he finally was successful in getting his head in front
of the door opening, it became clear that his body was too wide to go through
any further. Naturally his father, in his present mental state, had no idea of
opening the other wing of the door a bit to create a suitable passage for
Gregor to get through. His single fixed thought was that Gregor must get into
his room as quickly as possible. He would never have allowed the elaborate
preparations that Gregor required to orient himself and thus perhaps get
through the door. On the contrary, as if there were no obstacle and with a
peculiar noise, he now drove Gregor forwards. Behind Gregor the sound was at
this point no longer like the voice of only a single father. Now it was really
no longer a joke, and Gregor forced himself, come what might, into the door.
One side of his body was lifted up. He lay at an angle in The
Metamorphosis 32 of 96
the
door opening. His one flank was sore with the scraping. On the white door ugly
blotches were left. Soon he was stuck fast and would have not been able to move
any more on his own. The tiny legs on one side hung twitching in the air above,
the ones on the other side were pushed painfully into the floor. Then his
father gave him one really strong liberating push from behind, and he scurried,
bleeding severely, far into the interior of his room. The door was slammed shut
with the cane, and finally it was quiet. The Metamorphosis 33 of 96
II
Gregor
first woke up from his heavy swoon-like sleep in the evening twilight. He would
certainly have woken up soon afterwards without any disturbance, for he felt
himself sufficiently rested and wide awake, although it appeared to him as if a
hurried step and a cautious closing of the door to the hall had aroused him.
The shine of the electric streetlights lay pale here and there on the ceiling
and on the higher parts of the furniture, but underneath around Gregor it was
dark. He pushed himself slowly toward the door, still groping awkwardly with
his feelers, which he now learned to value for the first time, to check what was
happening there. His left side seemed one single long unpleasantly stretched
scar, and he really had to hobble on his two rows of legs. In addition, one
small leg had been seriously wounded in the course of the morning incident (it
was almost a miracle that only one had been hurt) and dragged lifelessly
behind.
By
the door he first noticed what had really lured him there: it was the smell of
something to eat. For there stood a bowl filled with sweetened milk, in which
swam tiny pieces of white bread. He almost laughed with joy, for he The
Metamorphosis 34 of 96
now
had a much greater hunger than in the morning, and he immediately dipped his
head almost up to and over his eyes down into the milk. But he soon drew it
back again in disappointment, not just because it was difficult for him to eat
on account of his delicate left side (he could eat only if his entire panting
body worked in a coordinated way), but also because the milk, which otherwise
was his favorite drink and which his sister had certainly placed there for that
reason, did not appeal to him at all. He turned away from the bowl almost with
aversion and crept back into the middle of the room.
In
the living room, as Gregor saw through the crack in the door, the gas was lit,
but where on other occasions at this time of day the father was accustomed to
read the afternoon newspaper in a loud voice to his mother and sometimes also
to his sister, at the moment not a sound was audible. Now, perhaps this reading
aloud, about which his sister always spoken and written to him, had recently
fallen out of their general routine. But it was so still all around, in spite
of the fact that the apartment was certainly not empty. ‘What a quiet life the
family leads’, said Gregor to himself and, as he stared fixedly out in front of
him into the darkness, he felt a great pride that he had been able to provide
such a life in a beautiful apartment The Metamorphosis 35 of 96
like
this for his parents and his sister. But how would things go if now all
tranquillity, all prosperity, all contentment should come to a horrible end? In
order not to lose himself in such thoughts, Gregor preferred to set himself
moving and crawled up and down in his room.
Once
during the long evening one side door and then the other door was opened just a
tiny crack and quickly closed again. Someone presumably needed to come in but
had then thought better of it. Gregor immediately took up a position by the
living room door, determined to bring in the hesitant visitor somehow or other
or at least to find out who it might be. But now the door was not opened any
more, and Gregor waited in vain. Earlier, when the door had been barred, they
had all wanted to come in to him; now, when he had opened one door and when the
others had obviously been opened during the day, no one came any more, and the
keys were stuck in the locks on the outside.
The
light in the living room was turned off only late at night, and now it was easy
to establish that his parents and his sister had stayed awake all this time, for
one could hear clearly as all three moved away on tiptoe. Now it was certain
that no one would come into Gregor any more until the morning. Thus, he had a
long time to think The Metamorphosis 36 of 96
undisturbed
about how he should reorganize his life from scratch. But the high, open room,
in which he was compelled to lie flat on the floor, made him anxious, without
his being able to figure out the reason, for he had lived in the room for five
years. With a half unconscious turn and not without a slight shame he scurried
under the couch, where, in spite of the fact that his back was a little cramped
and he could no longer lift up his head, he felt very comfortable and was sorry
only that his body was too wide to fit completely under it.
There
he remained the entire night, which he spent partly in a state of semi-sleep,
out of which his hunger constantly woke him with a start, but partly in a state
of worry and murky hopes, which all led to the conclusion that for the time
being he would have to keep calm and with patience and the greatest
consideration for his family tolerate the troubles which in his present
condition he was now forced to cause them.
Already
early in the morning (it was still almost night) Gregor had an opportunity to
test the power of the decisions he had just made, for his sister, almost fully
dressed, opened the door from the hall into his room and looked eagerly inside.
She did not find him immediately, but when she noticed him under the couch
(God, he had The Metamorphosis 37 of 96
to
be somewhere or other; for he could hardly fly away) she got such a shock that,
without being able to control herself, she slammed the door shut once again
from the outside. However, as if she was sorry for her behaviour, she
immediately opened the door again and walked in on her tiptoes, as if she was
in the presence of a serious invalid or a total stranger. Gregor had pushed his
head forward just to the edge of the couch and was observing her. Would she
really notice that he had left the milk standing, not indeed from any lack of
hunger, and would she bring in something else to eat more suitable for him? If
she did not do it on her own, he would sooner starve to death than call her
attention to the fact, although he had a really powerful urge to move beyond
the couch, throw himself at his sister’s feet, and beg her for something or
other good to eat. But his sister noticed right away with astonishment that the
bowl was still full, with only a little milk spilled around it. She picked it
up immediately (although not with her bare hands but with a rag), and took it
out of the room. Gregor was extremely curious what she would bring as a
substitute, and he pictured to himself different ideas about that. But he never
could have guessed what his sister out of the goodness of her heart in fact
did. She brought him, to test his taste, an entire selection, all spread The
Metamorphosis 38 of 96
out
on an old newspaper. There were old half-rotten vegetables, bones from the
evening meal, covered with a white sauce which had almost solidified, some
raisins and almonds, cheese, which Gregor had declared inedible two days
earlier, a slice of dry bread, a slice of salted bread smeared with butter. In
addition to all this, she put down a bowl (probably designated once and for all
as Gregor’s) into which she had poured some water. And out of her delicacy of
feeling, since she knew that Gregor would not eat in front of her, she went
away very quickly and even turned the key in the lock, so that Gregor could now
observe that he could make himself as comfortable as he wished. Gregor’s small
limbs buzzed as the time for eating had come. His wounds must, in any case,
have already healed completely. He felt no handicap on that score. He was
astonished at that and thought about it, how more than a month ago he had cut
his finger slightly with a knife and how this wound had hurt enough even the
day before yesterday.
‘Am
I now going to be less sensitive,’ he thought, already sucking greedily on the
cheese, which had strongly attracted him right away, more than all the other
foods. Quickly and with his eyes watering with satisfaction, he ate one after
the other the cheese, the vegetables, and the The Metamorphosis 39 of 96
sauce;
the fresh food, by contrast, didn’t taste good to him. He couldn’t bear the
smell and even carried the things he wanted to eat a little distance away. By
the time his sister slowly turned the key as a sign that he should withdraw, he
was long finished and now lay lazily in the same spot. The noise immediately startled
him, in spite of the fact that he was already almost asleep, and he scurried
back again under the couch. But it cost him great self-control to remain under
the couch, even for the short time his sister was in the room, because his body
had filled out somewhat on account of the rich meal and in the narrow space
there he could scarcely breathe. In the midst of minor attacks of asphyxiation,
he looked at her with somewhat protruding eyes, as his unsuspecting sister
swept up with a broom, not just the remnants, but even the foods which Gregor
had not touched at all, as if these were also now useless, and as she dumped
everything quickly into a bucket, which she closed with a wooden lid, and then
carried all of it out of the room. She had hardly turned around before Gregor
had already dragged himself out from the couch, stretched out, and let his body
expand.
In
this way Gregor got his food every day, once in the morning, when his parents
and the servant girl were still
The Metamorphosis 40 of 96
asleep,
and a second time after the common noon meal, for his parents were, as before,
asleep then for a little while, and the servant girl was sent off by his sister
on some errand or other. Certainly they would not have wanted Gregor to starve
to death, but perhaps they could not have endured finding out what he ate other
than by hearsay. Perhaps his sister wanted to spare them what was possibly only
a small grief, for they were really suffering quite enough already.
What
sorts of excuses people had used on that first morning to get the doctor and
the locksmith out of the house Gregor was completely unable to ascertain. Since
he was not comprehensible, no one, not even his sister, thought that he might
be able to understand others, and thus, when his sister was in her room, he had
to be content with listening now and then to her sighs and invocations to the
saints. Only later, when she had grown somewhat accustomed to everything
(naturally there could never be any talk of her growing completely accustomed to
it) Gregor sometimes caught a comment which was intended to be friendly or
could be interpreted as such. ‘Well, today it tasted good to him,’ she said, if
Gregor had really cleaned up what he had to eat; whereas, in the reverse
situation, which gradually repeated itself more and The
Metamorphosis 41 of 96
more
frequently, she used to say sadly, ‘Now everything has stopped again.’
But
while Gregor could get no new information directly, he did hear a good deal
from the room next door, and as soon as he heard voices, he scurried right away
to the relevant door and pressed his entire body against it. In the early days
especially, there was no conversation which was not concerned with him in some
way or other, even if only in secret. For two days at all meal times
discussions on that subject could be heard on how people should now behave; but
they also talked about the same subject in the times between meals, for there
were always at least two family members at home, since no one really wanted to
remain in the house alone and people could not under any circumstances leave
the apartment completely empty. In addition, on the very first day the servant
girl (it was not completely clear what and how much she knew about what had
happened) on her knees had begged his mother to let her go immediately, and
when she said good bye about fifteen minutes later, she thanked them for the
dismissal with tears in her eyes, as if she was receiving the greatest favour
which people had shown her there, and, without anyone demanding it from her,
she swore a fearful oath not to betray anyone, not even the slightest bit. The
Metamorphosis 42 of 96
Now
his sister had to team up with his mother to do the cooking, although that
didn’t create much trouble because people were eating almost nothing. Again and
again Gregor listened as one of them vainly invited another one to eat and
received no answer other than ‘Thank you. I have enough’ or something like
that. And perhaps they had stopped having anything to drink, too. His sister
often asked his father whether he wanted to have a beer and gladly offered to
fetch it herself, and when his father was silent, she said, in order to remove
any reservations he might have, that she could send the caretaker’s wife to get
it. But then his father finally said a resounding ‘No,’ and nothing more would
be spoken about it.
Already
during the first day his father laid out all the financial circumstances and
prospects to his mother and to his sister as well. From time to time he stood
up from the table and pulled out of the small lockbox salvaged from his
business, which had collapsed five years previously, some document or other or
some notebook. The sound was audible as he opened up the complicated lock and,
after removing what he was looking for, locked it up again. These explanations
by his father were, in part, the first enjoyable thing that Gregor had the
chance to listen to The Metamorphosis 43 of 96
since
his imprisonment. He had thought that nothing at all was left over for his
father from that business; at least his father had told him nothing to the
contradict that view, and Gregor in any case hadn’t asked him about it. At the
time Gregor’s only concern had been to devote everything he had in order to
allow his family to forget as quickly as possible the business misfortune which
had brought them all into a state of complete hopelessness. And so at that
point he’d started to work with a special intensity and from an assistant had
become, almost overnight, a traveling salesman, who naturally had entirely
different possibilities for earning money and whose successes at work at once
were converted into the form of cash commissions, which could be set out on the
table at home in front of his astonished and delighted family. Those had been
beautiful days, and they had never come back afterwards, at least not with the
same splendour, in spite of the fact that Gregor later earned so much money
that he was in a position to bear the expenses of the entire family, expenses
which he, in fact, did bear. They had become quite accustomed to it, both the
family and Gregor as well. They took the money with thanks, and he happily
surrendered it, but the special warmth was no longer present. Only the sister
had remained still close to Gregor, The Metamorphosis 44 of 96
and
it was his secret plan to send her (in contrast to Gregor she loved music very
much and knew how to play the violin charmingly) next year to the conservatory,
regardless of the great expense which that must necessitate and which would be
made up in other ways. Now and then during Gregor’s short stays in the city the
conservatory was mentioned in conversations with his sister, but always only as
a beautiful dream, whose realization was unimaginable, and their parents never
listened to these innocent expectations with pleasure. But Gregor thought about
them with scrupulous consideration and intended to explain the matter
ceremoniously on Christmas Eve.
In
his present situation, such futile ideas went through his head, while he pushed
himself right up against the door and listened. Sometimes in his general
exhaustion he couldn’t listen any more and let his head bang listlessly against
the door, but he immediately pulled himself together, for even the small sound
which he made by this motion was heard near by and silenced everyone. ‘ There
he goes on again,’ said his father after a while, clearly turning towards the
door, and only then would the interrupted conversation gradually be resumed
again. The Metamorphosis 45 of 96
Gregor
found out clearly enough (for his father tended to repeat himself often in his
explanations, partly because he had not personally concerned himself with these
matters for a long time now, and partly also because his mother did not
understand everything right away the first time) that, in spite all bad luck, a
fortune, although a very small one, was available from the old times, which the
interest (which had not been touched) had in the intervening time gradually
allowed to increase a little. Furthermore, in addition to this, the money which
Gregor had brought home every month (he had kept only a few florins for
himself) had not been completely spent and had grown into a small capital
amount. Gregor, behind his door, nodded eagerly, rejoicing over this
unanticipated foresight and frugality. True, with this excess money, he could
have paid off more of his father’s debt to his employer and the day on which he
could be rid of this position would have been a lot closer, but now things were
doubtless better the way his father had arranged them.
At
the moment, however, this money was nowhere near sufficient to permit the
family to live on the interest payments. Perhaps it would be enough to maintain
the family for one or at most two years, that’s all. Thus it came The
Metamorphosis 46 of 96
only
to an amount which one should not really take out and which must be set aside
for an emergency. But the money to live on must be earned. Now, his father was
a healthy man, although he was old, who had not worked at all for five years
now and thus could not be counted on for very much. He had in these five years,
the first holidays of his trouble-filled but unsuccessful life, put on a good
deal of fat and thus had become really heavy. And should his old mother now maybe
work for money, a woman who suffered from asthma, for whom wandering through
the apartment even now was a great strain and who spent every second day on the
sofa by the open window labouring for breath? Should his sister earn money, a
girl who was still a seventeen-year-old child, whose earlier life style had
been so very delightful that it had consisted of dressing herself nicely,
sleeping in late, helping around the house, taking part in a few modest
enjoyments and, above all, playing the violin? When it came to talking about
this need to earn money, at first Gregor went away from the door and threw
himself on the cool leather sofa beside the door, for he was quite hot from
shame and sorrow.
Often
he lay there all night long. He didn’t sleep a moment and just scratched on the
leather for hours at a The Metamorphosis 47 of 96
time.
He undertook the very difficult task of shoving a chair over to the window.
Then he crept up on the window sill and, braced in the chair, leaned against
the window to look out, obviously with some memory or other of the satisfaction
which that used to bring him in earlier times. Actually from day to day he
perceived things with less and less clarity, even those a short distance away:
the hospital across the street, the all too frequent sight of which he had
previously cursed, was not visible at all any more, and if he had not been
precisely aware that he lived in the quiet but completely urban Charlotte
Street, he could have believed that from his window he was peering out at a featureless
wasteland, in which the gray heaven and the gray earth had merged and were
indistinguishable. His attentive sister must have observed a couple of times
that the chair stood by the window; then, after cleaning up the room, each time
she pushed the chair back right against the window and from now on she even
left the inner casement open.
If
Gregor had only been able to speak to his sister and thank her for everything
that she had to do for him, he would have tolerated her service more easily. As
it was he suffered under it. The sister admittedly sought to cover up the
awkwardness of everything as much as possible, and, as The
Metamorphosis 48 of 96
time
went by, she naturally got more successful at it. But with the passing of time
Gregor also came to understand everything more precisely. Even her entrance was
terrible for him. As soon as she entered, she ran straight to the window,
without taking the time to shut the door (in spite of the fact that she was
otherwise very considerate in sparing anyone the sight of Gregor’s room), and
yanked the window open with eager hands, as if she was almost suffocating, and
remained for a while by the window breathing deeply, even when it was still so
cold. With this running and noise she frightened Gregor twice every day. The
entire time he trembled under the couch, and yet he knew very well that she
would certainly have spared him gladly if it had only been possible to remain
with the window closed in a room where Gregor lived.
On
one occasion (about one month had already gone by since Gregor’s
transformation, and there was now no particular reason any more for his sister
to be startled at Gregor’s appearance) she came a little earlier than usual and
came upon Gregor as he was still looking out the window, immobile and well
positioned to frighten someone. It would not have come as a surprise to Gregor
if she had not come in, since his position was preventing her from opening the
window immediately. But she not The Metamorphosis 49 of 96
only
did not step inside; she even retreated and shut the door. A stranger really
could have concluded from this that Gregor had been lying in wait for her and
wanted to bite her. Of course, Gregor immediately concealed himself under the
couch, but he had to wait until the noon meal before his sister returned, and
she seemed much less calm than usual. From this he realized that his appearance
was still constantly intolerable to her and must remain intolerable in future,
and that she really had to exert a lot of self-control not to run away from a
glimpse of only the small part of his body which stuck out from under the
couch. In order to spare her even this sight, one day he dragged the sheet on
his back onto the couch (this task took him four hours) and arranged it in such
a way that he was now completely concealed and his sister, even if she bent
down, could not see him. If this sheet was not necessary as far as she was
concerned, then she could remove it, for it was clear enough that Gregor could
not derive any pleasure from isolating himself away so completely. But she left
the sheet just as it was, and Gregor believed he even caught a look of
gratitude when on one occasion he carefully lifted up the sheet a little with
his head to check as his sister took stock of the new arrangement. The
Metamorphosis 50 of 96
In
the first two weeks his parents could not bring themselves to visit him, and he
often heard how they fully acknowledged his sister’s present work; whereas,
earlier they had often got annoyed at his sister because she had seemed to them
a somewhat useless young woman. However, now both his father and his mother
often waited in front of Gregor’s door while his sister cleaned up inside, and
as soon as she came out she had to explain in detail how things looked in the
room, what Gregor had eaten, how he had behaved this time, and whether perhaps
a slight improvement was perceptible. In any event, his mother comparatively
soon wanted to visit Gregor, but his father and his sister restrained her, at
first with reasons which Gregor listened to very attentively and which he
completely endorsed. Later, however, they had to hold her back forcefully, and
when she then cried ‘Let me go to Gregor. He’s my unlucky son! Don’t you
understand that I have to go to him?’ Gregor then thought that perhaps it would
be a good thing if his mother came in, not every day, of course, but maybe once
a week. She understood everything much better than his sister, who in spite of
all her courage was still a child and, in the last analysis, had perhaps undertaken
such a difficult task only out of childish recklessness. The
Metamorphosis 51 eBook brought to you by
Create, view, and edit PDF. Download the free trial version.96
Gregor’s
wish to see his mother was soon realized. While during the day Gregor, out of
consideration for his parents, did not want to show himself by the window, he
couldn’t crawl around very much on the few square metres of the floor. He found
it difficult to bear lying quietly during the night, and soon eating no longer
gave him the slightest pleasure. So for diversion he acquired the habit of
crawling back and forth across the walls and ceiling. He was especially fond of
hanging from the ceiling. The experience was quite different from lying on the
floor. It was easier to breathe, a slight vibration went through his body, and
in the midst of the almost happy amusement which Gregor found up there, it
could happen that, to his own surprise, he let go and hit the floor. However,
now he naturally controlled his body quite differently, and he did not injure
himself in such a great fall. His sister noticed immediately the new amusement
which Gregor had found for himself (for as he crept around he left behind here
and there traces of his sticky stuff), and so she got the idea of making Gregor’s
creeping around as easy as possible and thus of removing the furniture which
got in the way, especially the chest of drawers and the writing desk.
The Metamorphosis 52 of 96
But
she was in no position to do this by herself. She did not dare to ask her
father to help, and the servant girl would certainly not have assisted her, for
although this girl, about sixteen years old, had courageously remained since
the dismissal of the previous cook, she had begged for the privilege of being
allowed to stay permanently confined to the kitchen and of having to open the
door only in answer to a special summons. Thus, his sister had no other choice
but to involve his mother while his father was absent. His mother approached
Gregor’s room with cries of excited joy, but she fell silent at the door. Of
course, his sister first checked whether everything in the room was in order.
Only then did she let his mother walk in. In great haste Gregor had drawn the
sheet down even further and wrinkled it more. The whole thing really looked
just like a coverlet thrown carelessly over the couch. On this occasion, Gregor
held back from spying out from under the sheet. Thus, he refrained from looking
at his mother this time and was just happy that she had come. ‘Come on; he is
not visible,’ said his sister, and evidently led his mother by the hand. Now
Gregor listened as these two weak women shifted the still heavy old chest of
drawers from its position, and as his sister constantly took on herself the
greatest part of the work, The Metamorphosis 53 of 96
without
listening to the warnings of his mother who was afraid that she would strain
herself. The work lasted a long time. After about a quarter of an hour had
already gone by his mother said that it would be better if they left the chest
of drawers where it was, because, in the first place, it was too heavy: they
would not be finished before his father’s arrival, and with the chest of
drawers in the middle of the room it would block all Gregor’s pathways, but, in
the second place, it might not be certain that Gregor would be pleased with the
removal of the furniture. To her the reverse seemed to be true; the sight of
the empty walls pierced her right to the heart, and why should Gregor not feel
the same, since he had been accustomed to the room furnishings for a long time
and in an empty room would thus feel himself abandoned.
‘And
is it not the case,’ his mother concluded very quietly, almost whispering as if
she wished to prevent Gregor, whose exact location she really didn’t know, from
hearing even the sound of her voice (for she was convinced that he did not
understand her words), ‘and isn’t it a fact that by removing the furniture
we’re showing that we’re giving up all hope of an improvement and are leaving
him to his own resources without any consideration? I think it would be best if
we tried to keep The Metamorphosis 54 of 96
the
room exactly in the condition in which it was before, so that, when Gregor
returns to us, he finds everything unchanged and can forget the intervening time
all the more easily.’
As
he heard his mother’s words Gregor realized that the lack of all immediate
human contact, together with the monotonous life surrounded by the family over
the course of these two months must have confused his understanding, because
otherwise he couldn’t explain to himself that he in all seriousness could’ve
been so keen to have his room emptied. Was he really eager to let the warm
room, comfortably furnished with pieces he had inherited, be turned into a
cavern in which he would, of course, then be able to crawl about in all
directions without disturbance, but at the same time with a quick and complete
forgetting of his human past as well? Was he then at this point already on the
verge of forgetting and was it only the voice of his mother, which he had not
heard for along time, that had aroused him? Nothing was to be removed;
everything must remain. In his condition he couldn’t function without the
beneficial influences of his furniture. And if the furniture prevented him from
carrying out his senseless crawling about all over the place, then there was no
harm in that, but rather a great benefit. The Metamorphosis 55 of 96
But
his sister unfortunately thought otherwise. She had grown accustomed, certainly
not without justification, so far as the discussion of matters concerning
Gregor was concerned, to act as an special expert with respect to their
parents, and so now the mother’s advice was for his sister sufficient reason to
insist on the removal, not only of the chest of drawers and the writing desk,
which were the only items she had thought about at first, but also of all the
furniture, with the exception of the indispensable couch. Of course, it was not
only childish defiance and her recent very unexpected and hard won
self-confidence which led her to this demand. She had also actually observed
that Gregor needed a great deal of room to creep about; the furniture, on the
other hand, as far as one could see, was not of the slightest use.
But
perhaps the enthusiastic sensibility of young women of her age also played a
role. This feeling sought release at every opportunity, and with it Grete now
felt tempted to want to make Gregor’s situation even more terrifying, so that
then she would be able to do even more for him than now. For surely no one
except Grete would ever trust themselves to enter a room in which Gregor ruled
the empty walls all by himself. And so she did not let herself be dissuaded
from her decision by her mother, who The Metamorphosis 56 of 96
in
this room seemed uncertain of herself in her sheer agitation and soon kept
quiet, helping his sister with all her energy to get the chest of drawers out
of the room. Now, Gregor could still do without the chest of drawers if need
be, but the writing desk really had to stay. And scarcely had the women left
the room with the chest of drawers, groaning as they pushed it, when Gregor
stuck his head out from under the sofa to take a look how he could intervene
cautiously and with as much consideration as possible. But unfortunately it was
his mother who came back into the room first, while Grete had her arms wrapped
around the chest of drawers in the next room and was rocking it back and forth
by herself, without moving it from its position. His mother was not used to the
sight of Gregor; he could have made her ill, and so, frightened, Gregor
scurried backwards right to the other end of the sofa, but he could no longer
prevent the sheet from moving forward a little. That was enough to catch his
mother’s attention. She came to a halt, stood still for a moment, and then went
back to Grete.
Although
Gregor kept repeating to himself over and over that really nothing unusual was
going on, that only a few pieces of furniture were being rearranged, he soon
had to admit to himself that the movements of the women to The
Metamorphosis 57 of 96
and
fro, their quiet conversations, the scratching of the furniture on the floor
affected him like a great swollen commotion on all sides, and, so firmly was he
pulling in his head and legs and pressing his body into the floor, he had to
tell himself unequivocally that he wouldn’t be able to endure all this much
longer. They were cleaning out his room, taking away from him everything he
cherished; they had already dragged out the chest of drawers in which the fret
saw and other tools were kept, and they were now loosening the writing desk
which was fixed tight to the floor, the desk on which he, as a business
student, a school student, indeed even as an elementary school student, had
written out his assignments. At that moment he really didn’t have any more time
to check the good intentions of the two women, whose existence he had in any
case almost forgotten, because in their exhaustion they were working really
silently, and the heavy stumbling of their feet was the only sound to be heard.
And
so he scuttled out (the women were just propping themselves up on the writing
desk in the next room in order to take a breather) changing the direction of
his path four times. He really didn’t know what he should rescue first. Then he
saw hanging conspicuously on the wall, The Metamorphosis 58 of 96
which
was otherwise already empty, the picture of the woman dressed in nothing but
fur. He quickly scurried up over it and pressed himself against the glass that
held it in place and which made his hot abdomen feel good. At least this
picture, which Gregor at the moment completely concealed, surely no one would
now take away. He twisted his head towards the door of the living room to
observe the women as they came back in.
They
had not allowed themselves very much rest and were coming back right away.
Grete had placed her arm around her mother and held her tightly. ‘So what shall
we take now?’ said Grete and looked around her. Then her glance crossed with
Gregor’s from the wall. She kept her composure only because her mother was
there. She bent her face towards her mother in order to prevent her from
looking around, and said, although in a trembling voice and too quickly, ‘Come,
wouldn’t it be better to go back to the living room for just another moment?’
Grete’s purpose was clear to Gregor: she wanted to bring his mother to a safe
place and then chase him down from the wall. Well, let her just attempt that!
He squatted on his picture and did not hand it over. He would sooner spring
into Grete’s face. The Metamorphosis 59 of 96
But
Grete’s words had immediately made the mother very uneasy. She walked to the
side, caught sight of the enormous brown splotch on the flowered wallpaper,
and, before she became truly aware that what she was looking at was Gregor,
screamed out in a high pitched raw voice ‘Oh God, oh God’ and fell with
outstretched arms, as if she was surrendering everything, down onto the couch
and lay there motionless. ‘Gregor, you…,’ cried out his sister with a raised
fist and an urgent glare. Since his transformation those were the first words
which she had directed right at him. She ran into the room next door to bring
some spirits or other with which she could revive her mother from her fainting
spell. Gregor wanted to help as well (there was time enough to save the
picture), but he was stuck fast on the glass and had to tear himself loose
forcefully. Then he also scurried into the next room, as if he could give his
sister some advice, as in earlier times, but then he had to stand there idly
behind her, while she rummaged about among various small bottles. Still, she
was frightened when she turned around. A bottle fell onto the floor and
shattered. A splinter of glass wounded Gregor in the face, some corrosive
medicine or other dripped over him. Now, without lingering any longer, Grete
took as many small bottles as she could hold and ran The
Metamorphosis 60 of 96
with
them into her mother. She slammed the door shut with her foot. Gregor was now
shut off from his mother, who was perhaps near death, thanks to him. He could
not open the door, and he did not want to chase away his sister who had to
remain with her mother. At this point he had nothing to do but wait, and
overwhelmed with self-reproach and worry, he began to creep and crawl over
everything: walls, furniture, and ceiling,. Finally, in his despair, as the
entire room started to spin around him, he fell onto the middle of the large
table.
A
short time elapsed. Gregor lay there limply. All around was still. Perhaps that
was a good sign. Then there was ring at the door. The servant girl was
naturally shut up in her kitchen, and Grete must therefore go to open the door.
The father had arrived. ‘What’s happened,’ were his first words. Grete’s
appearance had told him everything. Grete replied with a dull voice; evidently
she was pressing her face into her father’s chest: ‘Mother fainted, but she’s
getting better now. Gregor has broken loose.’ ‘Yes, I have expected that,’ said
his father, ‘I always told you that, but you women don’t want to listen.’
It
was clear to Gregor that his father had badly misunderstood Grete’s short
message and was assuming that Gregor had committed some violent crime or other.
The
Metamorphosis 61 of 96
Thus,
Gregor now had to find his father to calm him down, for he had neither the time
nor the opportunity to clarify things for him. And so he rushed away to the
door of his room and pushed himself against it, so that his father could see right
away as he entered from the hall that Gregor fully intended to return at once
to his room, that it was not necessary to drive him back, but that one only
needed to open the door and he would disappear immediately.
But
his father was not in the mood to observe such niceties. ‘Ah,’ he yelled as
soon as he entered, with a tone as if he were all at once angry and pleased.
Gregor pulled his head back from the door and raised it in the direction of his
father. He had not really pictured his father as he now stood there. Of course,
what with his new style of creeping all around, he had in the past while
neglected to pay attention to what was going on in the rest of the apartment,
as he had done before, and really should have grasped the fact that he would encounter
different conditions. Nevertheless, nevertheless, was that still his father?
Was that the same man who had lain exhausted and buried in bed in earlier days
when Gregor was setting out on a business trip, who had received him on the
evenings of his return in a sleeping gown and arm chair, The
Metamorphosis 62 of 96
totally
incapable of standing up, who had only lifted his arm as a sign of happiness,
and who in their rare strolls together a few Sundays a year and on the
important holidays made his way slowly forwards between Gregor and his mother
(who themselves moved slowly), always a bit more slowly than them, bundled up
in his old coat, all the time setting down his walking stick carefully, and
who, when he had wanted to say something, almost always stood still and
gathered his entourage around him?
But
now he was standing up really straight, dressed in a tight fitting blue uniform
with gold buttons, like the ones servants wear in a banking company. Above the
high stiff collar of his jacket his firm double chin stuck out prominently,
beneath his bushy eyebrows the glance of his black eyes was freshly penetrating
and alert, his otherwise disheveled white hair was combed down into a carefully
exact shining part. He threw his cap, on which a gold monogram (apparently the
symbol of the bank) was affixed, in an arc across the entire room onto the sofa
and moved, throwing back the edge of the long coat of his uniform, with his
hands in his trouser pockets and a grim face, right up to Gregor.
He
really didn’t know what he had in mind, but he raised his foot uncommonly high
anyway, and Gregor was The Metamorphosis 63 of eBook
brought to you by Create, view, and edit PDF. Download the free trial version.
astonished
at the gigantic size of his sole of his boot. However, he did not linger on
that point. For he knew from the first day of his new life that as far as he
was concerned his father considered the greatest force the only appropriate
response. And so he scurried away from his father, stopped when his father
remained standing, and scampered forward again when his father merely stirred.
In this way they made their way around the room repeatedly, without anything
decisive taking place; indeed because of the slow pace it didn’t look like a
chase. Gregor remained on the floor for the time being, especially as he was
afraid that his father could take a flight up onto the wall or the ceiling as
an act of real malice. At any event Gregor had to tell himself that he couldn’t
keep up this running around for a long time, because whenever his father took a
single step, he had to go through an enormous number of movements. Already he
was starting to suffer from a shortage of breath, just as in his earlier days
his lungs had been quite unreliable. As he now staggered around in this way in
order to gather all his energies for running, hardly keeping his eyes open, in
his listlessness he had no notion at all of any escape other than by running
and had almost already forgotten that the walls were available to him, although
they were obstructed by carefully carved
The Metamorphosis 64 of 96
furniture
full of sharp points and spikes—at that moment something or other thrown
casually flew down close by and rolled in front of him. It was an apple; immediately
a second one flew after it. Gregor stood still in fright. Further flight was
useless, for his father had decided to bombard him.
From
the fruit bowl on the sideboard his father had filled his pockets, and now,
without for the moment taking accurate aim, was throwing apple after apple.
These small red apples rolled as if electrified around on the floor and
collided with each other. A weakly thrown apple grazed Gregor’s back but
skidded off harmlessly. However another thrown immediately after that one drove
into Gregor’s back really hard. Gregor wanted to drag himself off, as if the
unexpected and incredible pain would go away if he changed his position. But he
felt as if he was nailed in place and lay stretched out completely confused in
all his senses. Only with his final glance did he notice how the door of his
room was pulled open and how, right in front of his sister (who was yelling),
his mother ran out in her undergarments, for his sister had undressed her in
order to give her some freedom to breathe in her fainting spell, and how his
mother then ran up to his father, on the way her tied up skirts one after the
other slipped toward The Metamorphosis 65 of 96
the
floor, and how, tripping over her skirts, she hurled herself onto his father
and, throwing her arms around him, in complete union with him—but at this
moment Gregor’s powers of sight gave way—as her hands reached to the back of
his father’s head and she begged him to spare Gregor’s life. The
Metamorphosis 66 of 96
III
Gregor’s
serious wound, from which he suffered for over a month (since no one ventured
to remove the apple, it remained in his flesh as a visible reminder), seemed by
itself to have reminded the father that, in spite of his present unhappy and
hateful appearance, Gregor was a member of the family, something one should not
treat as an enemy, and that it was, on the contrary, a requirement of family
duty to suppress one’s aversion and to endure—nothing else, just endure. And if
through his wound Gregor had now apparently lost for good his ability to move
and for the time being needed many many minutes to crawl across this room, like
an aged invalid (so far as creeping up high was concerned, that was
unimaginable), nevertheless for this worsening of his condition, in his opinion,
he did get completely satisfactory compensation, because every day towards
evening the door to the living room, which he was in the habit of keeping a
sharp eye on even one or two hours beforehand, was opened, so that he, lying
down in the darkness of his room, invisible from the living room, could see the
entire family at the illuminated table and listen to their conversation, to a The
Metamorphosis 67 of 96
certain
extent with their common permission, a situation quite different from what
happened before.
Of
course, it was no longer the animated social interaction of former times, about
which Gregor in small hotel rooms had always thought about with a certain
longing, when, tired out, he had to throw himself in the damp bedclothes. For
the most part what went on now was very quiet. After the evening meal the
father fell asleep quickly in his arm chair; the mother and sister talked
guardedly to each other in the stillness. Bent far over, the mother sewed fine
undergarments for a fashion shop. The sister, who had taken on a job as a
salesgirl, in the evening studied stenography and French, so as perhaps later
to obtain a better position. Sometimes the father woke up and, as if he was
quite ignorant that he had been asleep, said to the mother ‘How long you have
been sewing today!’ and went right back to sleep, while the mother and the
sister smiled tiredly to each other.
With
a sort of stubbornness the father refused to take off his servant’s uniform
even at home, and while his sleeping gown hung unused on the coat hook, the
father dozed completely dressed in his place, as if he was always ready for his
responsibility and even here was waiting for the voice of his superior. As
result, in spite of all the care The Metamorphosis 68 of 96
of
the mother and sister, his uniform, which even at the start was not new, grew
dirty, and Gregor looked, often for the entire evening, at this clothing, with
stains all over it and with its gold buttons always polished, in which the old
man, although very uncomfortable, slept peacefully nonetheless.
As
soon as the clock struck ten, the mother tried encouraging the father gently to
wake up and then persuading him to go to bed, on the ground that he couldn’t
get a proper sleep here and the father, who had to report for service at six
o’clock, really needed a good sleep. But in his stubbornness, which had gripped
him since he had become a servant, he insisted always on staying even longer by
the table, although he regularly fell asleep and then could only be prevailed
upon with the greatest difficulty to trade his chair for the bed. No matter how
much the mother and sister might at that point work on him with small
admonitions, for a quarter of an hour he would remain shaking his head slowly,
his eyes closed, without standing up. The mother would pull him by the sleeve
and speak flattering words into his ear; the sister would leave her work to
help her mother, but that would not have the desired effect on the father. He
would settle himself even more deeply in his arm chair. Only when the The
Metamorphosis 69 of 96
two
women grabbed him under the armpits would he throw his eyes open, look back and
forth at the mother and sister, and habitually say ‘This is a life. This is the
peace and quiet of my old age.’ And propped up by both women, he would heave
himself up, elaborately, as if for him it was the greatest travail, allow
himself to be led to the door by the women, wave them away there, and proceed
on his own from there, while the mother quickly threw down her sewing
implements and the sister her pen in order to run after the father and help him
some more.
In
this overworked and exhausted family who had time to worry any longer about
Gregor more than was absolutely necessary? The household was constantly getting
smaller. The servant girl was now let go. A huge bony cleaning woman with white
hair flapping all over her head came in the morning and the evening to do the
heaviest work. The mother took care of everything else in addition to her
considerable sewing work. It even happened that various pieces of family
jewelry, which previously the mother and sister had been overjoyed to wear on
social and festive occasions, were sold, as Gregor found out in the evening
from the general discussion of the prices they had fetched. But the greatest
complaint was always that they could not leave this apartment, which was The
Metamorphosis 70 of 96
too
big for their present means, since it was impossible to imagine how Gregor
might be moved. But Gregor fully recognized that it was not just consideration
for him which was preventing a move (for he could have been transported easily
in a suitable box with a few air holes); the main thing holding the family back
from a change in living quarters was far more their complete hopelessness and
the idea that they had been struck by a misfortune like no one else in their
entire circle of relatives and acquaintances.
What
the world demands of poor people they now carried out to an extreme degree. The
father bought breakfast to the petty officials at the bank, the mother
sacrificed herself for the undergarments of strangers, the sister behind her
desk was at the beck and call of customers, but the family’s energies did not
extend any further. And the wound in his back began to pain Gregor all over
again, when now mother and sister, after they had escorted the father to bed,
came back, let their work lie, moved close together, and sat cheek to cheek and
when his mother would now say, pointing to Gregor’s room, ‘Close the door,
Grete,’ and when Gregor was again in the darkness, while close by the women
mingled their tears or, quite dry eyed, stared at the table. The
Metamorphosis 71 of 96
Gregor
spent his nights and days with hardly any sleep. Sometimes he thought that the
next time the door opened he would take over the family arrangements just as he
had earlier. In his imagination appeared again, after a long time, his employer
and supervisor and the apprentices, the excessively gormless custodian, two or
three friends from other businesses, a chambermaid from a hotel in the
provinces, a loving fleeting memory, a female cashier from a hat shop, whom he
had seriously, but too slowly courted—they all appeared mixed in with strangers
or people he had already forgotten, but instead of helping him and his family,
they were all unapproachable, and he was happy to see them disappear.
But
then he was in no mood to worry about his family. He was filled with sheer
anger over the wretched care he was getting, even though he couldn’t imagine
anything for which he might have an appetite. Still, he made plans about how he
could take from the larder what he at all account deserved, even if he wasn’t
hungry. Without thinking any more about how one might be able to give Gregor
special pleasure, the sister now kicked some food or other very quickly into
his room in the morning and at noon, before she ran off to her shop, and in the
evening, quite indifferent about whether the food had perhaps only The
Metamorphosis 72 of 96
been
tasted or, what happened most frequently, remained entirely undisturbed, she
whisked it out with one sweep of her broom. The task of cleaning his room,
which she now always carried out in the evening, could not be done any more
quickly. Streaks of dirt ran along the walls; here and there lay tangles of
dust and garbage. At first, when his sister arrived, Gregor positioned himself
in a particularly filthy corner in order with this posture to make something of
a protest. But he could have well stayed there for weeks without his sister’s
changing her ways. Indeed, she perceived the dirt as much as he did, but she
had decided just to let it stay.
In
this business, with a touchiness which was quite new to her and which had
generally taken over the entire family, she kept watch to see that the cleaning
of Gregor’s room remained reserved for her. Once his mother had undertaken a
major cleaning of Gregor’s room, which she had only completed successfully
after using a few buckets of water. But the extensive dampness made Gregor sick
and he lay supine, embittered and immobile on the couch. However, the mother’s
punishment was not delayed for long. For in the evening the sister had hardly
observed the change in Gregor’s room before she ran into the living room
mightily offended and, in spite of her mother’s hand The
Metamorphosis 73 of 96
lifted
high in entreaty, broke out in a fit of crying. Her parents (the father had, of
course, woken up with a start in his arm chair) at first looked at her
astonished and helpless; until they started to get agitated. Turning to his
right, the father heaped reproaches on the mother that she was not to take over
the cleaning of Gregor’s room from the sister and, turning to his left, he
shouted at the sister that she would no longer be allowed to clean Gregor’s
room ever again, while the mother tried to pull the father, beside himself in
his excitement, into the bed room; the sister, shaken by her crying fit,
pounded on the table with her tiny fists, and Gregor hissed at all this, angry
that no one thought about shutting the door and sparing him the sight of this
commotion.
But
even when the sister, exhausted from her daily work, had grown tired of caring
for Gregor as she had before, even then the mother did not have to come at all
on her behalf. And Gregor did not have to be neglected. For now the cleaning
woman was there. This old widow, who in her long life must have managed to
survive the worst with the help of her bony frame, had no real horror of
Gregor. Without being in the least curious, she had once by chance opened
Gregor’s door. At the sight of Gregor, who, totally surprised, began to scamper
here and The Metamorphosis 74 of 96
there,
although no one was chasing him, she remained standing with her hands folded
across her stomach staring at him. Since then she did not fail to open the door
furtively a little every morning and evening to look in on Gregor. At first,
she also called him to her with words which she presumably thought were
friendly, like ‘Come here for a bit, old dung beetle!’ or ‘Hey, look at the old
dung beetle!’ Addressed in such a manner, Gregor answered nothing, but remained
motionless in his place, as if the door had not been opened at all. If only,
instead of allowing this cleaning woman to disturb him uselessly whenever she
felt like it, they had instead given her orders to clean up his room every day!
One day in the early morning (a hard downpour, perhaps already a sign of the
coming spring, struck the window panes) when the cleaning woman started up once
again with her usual conversation, Gregor was so bitter that he turned towards
her, as if for an attack, although slowly and weakly. But instead of being
afraid of him, the cleaning woman merely lifted up a chair standing close by
the door and, as she stood there with her mouth wide open, her intention was
clear: she would close her mouth only when the chair in her hand had been
thrown down on Gregor’s back. ‘This goes no further, all right?’ she asked, as
Gregor turned The Metamorphosis 75 of eBook
brought to you by Create, view, and edit PDF. Download the free trial version.
himself
around again, and she placed the chair calmly back in the corner.
Gregor
ate hardly anything any more. Only when he chanced to move past the food which
had been prepared did he, as a game, take a bit into his mouth, hold it there
for hours, and generally spit it out again. At first he thought it might be his
sadness over the condition of his room which kept him from eating, but he very
soon became reconciled to the alterations in his room. People had grown
accustomed to put into storage in his room things which they couldn’t put
anywhere else, and at this point there were many such things, now that they had
rented one room of the apartment to three lodgers. These solemn gentlemen (all
three had full beards, as Gregor once found out through a crack in the door)
were meticulously intent on tidiness, not only in their own room but (since
they had now rented a room here) in the entire household, and particularly in
the kitchen. They simply did not tolerate any useless or shoddy stuff.
Moreover, for the most part they had brought with them their own pieces of
furniture. Thus, many items had become superfluous, and these were not really
things one could sell or things people wanted to throw out. All these items
ended up in Gregor’s room, even the box of ashes
The Metamorphosis 76 of 96
and
the garbage pail from the kitchen. The cleaning woman, always in a hurry,
simply flung anything that was momentarily useless into Gregor’s room.
Fortunately Gregor generally saw only the relevant object and the hand which
held it. The cleaning woman perhaps was intending, when time and opportunity
allowed, to take the stuff out again or to throw everything out all at once,
but in fact the things remained lying there, wherever they had ended up at the
first throw, unless Gregor squirmed his way through the accumulation of junk
and moved it. At first he was forced to do this because otherwise there was no
room for him to creep around, but later he did it with a with a growing
pleasure, although after such movements, tired to death and feeling wretched,
he didn’t budge for hours.
Because
the lodgers sometimes also took their evening meal at home in the common living
room, the door to the living room stayed shut on many evenings. But Gregor had
no trouble at all going without the open door. Already on many evenings when it
was open he had not availed himself of it, but, without the family noticing,
was stretched out in the darkest corner of his room. However, once the cleaning
woman had left the door to the living room slightly ajar, and it remained open
even when the The Metamorphosis 77 of 96
lodgers
came in in the evening and the lights were put on. They sat down at the head of
the table, where in earlier days the mother, the father, and Gregor had eaten,
unfolded their serviettes, and picked up their knives and forks. The mother
immediately appeared in the door with a dish of meat and right behind her the
sister with a dish piled high with potatoes. The food gave off a lot of steam.
The gentlemen lodgers bent over the plate set before them, as if they wanted to
check it before eating, and in fact the one who sat in the middle (for the
other two he seemed to serve as the authority) cut off a piece of meat still on
the plate obviously to establish whether it was sufficiently tender and whether
or not something should be shipped back to the kitchen. He was satisfied, and
mother and sister, who had looked on in suspense, began to breathe easily and to
smile.
The
family itself ate in the kitchen. In spite of that, before the father went into
the kitchen, he came into the room and with a single bow, cap in hand, made a
tour of the table. The lodgers rose up collectively and murmured something in
their beards. Then, when they were alone, they ate almost in complete silence.
It seemed odd to Gregor that out of all the many different sorts of sounds of
eating, what was always audible was their chewing teeth, The
Metamorphosis 78 of 96
as
if by that Gregor should be shown that people needed their teeth to eat and
that nothing could be done even with the most handsome toothless jawbone. ‘I
really do have an appetite,’ Gregor said to himself sorrowfully, ‘but not for
these things. How these lodgers stuff themselves, and I am dying.’
On
this very evening (Gregor didn’t remember hearing the violin all through this
period) it sounded from the kitchen. The lodgers had already ended their night
meal, the middle one had pulled out a newspaper and had given each of the other
two a page, and they were now leaning back, reading and smoking. When the
violin started playing, they became attentive, got up, and went on tiptoe to
the hall door, at which they remained standing pressed up against one another.
They must have been audible from the kitchen, because the father called out
‘Perhaps the gentlemen don’t like the playing? It can be stopped at once.’ ‘On
the contrary,’ stated the lodger in the middle, ‘might the young woman not come
into us and play in the room here where it is really much more comfortable and
cheerful?’ ‘Oh, thank you,’ cried out the father, as if he were the one playing
the violin. The men stepped back into the room and waited. Soon the father came
with the music stand, the mother with the sheet music, and the The
Metamorphosis 79 of 96
sister
with the violin. The sister calmly prepared everything for the recital. The
parents, who had never previously rented a room and therefore exaggerated their
politeness to the lodgers, dared not sit on their own chairs. The father leaned
against the door, his right hand stuck between two buttons of his buttoned up
uniform. The mother, however, accepted a chair offered by one lodger. Since she
left the chair sit where the gentleman had chanced to put it, she sat to one
side in a corner.
The
sister began to play. The father and mother, followed attentively, one on each
side, the movements of her hands. Attracted by the playing, Gregor had ventured
to advance a little further forward and his head was already in the living
room. He scarcely wondered about the fact that recently he had had so little
consideration for the others; earlier this consideration had been something he
was proud of. And for that very reason he would’ve had at this moment more reason
to hide away, because as a result of the dust which lay all over his room and
flew around with the slightest movement, he was totally covered in dirt. On his
back and his sides he carted around with him dust, threads, hair, and remnants
of food. His indifference to everything was much too great for him to lie on
his back and scour himself on the carpet, as he often had done The
Metamorphosis 80 of 96
earlier
during the day. In spite of his condition he had no timidity about inching
forward a bit on the spotless floor of the living room.
In
any case, no one paid him any attention. The family was all caught up in the
violin playing. The lodgers, by contrast, who for the moment had placed
themselves, their hands in their trouser pockets, behind the music stand much
too close to the sister, so that they could all see the sheet music, something
that must certainly bother the sister, soon drew back to the window conversing
in low voices with bowed heads, where they then remained, worriedly observed by
the father. It now seemed really clear that, having assumed they were to hear a
beautiful or entertaining violin recital, they were disappointed, and were
allowing their peace and quiet to be disturbed only out of politeness. The way
in which they all blew the smoke from their cigars out of their noses and
mouths in particular led one to conclude that they were very irritated. And yet
his sister was playing so beautifully. Her face was turned to the side, her
gaze followed the score intently and sadly. Gregor crept forward still a little
further and kept his head close against the floor in order to be able to catch
her gaze if possible. Was he an animal that music so seized him? For him it was
as if the way to the The Metamorphosis 81 of 96
unknown
nourishment he craved was revealing itself to him. He was determined to press
forward right to his sister, to tug at her dress and to indicate to her in this
way that she might still come with her violin into his room, because here no
one valued the recital as he wanted to value it. He did not wish to let her go
from his room any more, at least not as long as he lived. His frightening
appearance would for the first time become useful for him. He wanted to be at
all the doors of his room simultaneously and snarl back at the attackers.
However, his sister should not be compelled but would remain with him
voluntarily; she would sit next to him on the sofa, bend down her ear to him,
and he would then confide in her that he firmly intended to send her to the
conservatory and that, if his misfortune had not arrived in the interim, he
would have declared all this last Christmas (had Christmas really already come
and gone?), and would have brooked no argument. After this explanation his
sister would break out in tears of emotion, and Gregor would lift himself up to
her armpit and kiss her throat, which she, from the time she started going to
work, had left exposed without a band or a collar.
‘Mr.
Samsa,’ called out the middle lodger to the father, and pointed his index
finger, without uttering a further The Metamorphosis 82 of 96
word,
at Gregor as he was moving slowly forward. The violin fell silent. The middle
lodger smiled, first shaking his head once at his friends, and then looked down
at Gregor once more. Rather than driving Gregor back again, the father seemed
to consider it of prime importance to calm down the lodgers, although they were
not at all upset and Gregor seemed to entertain them more than the violin
recital. The father hurried over to them and with outstretched arms tried to
push them into their own room and simultaneously to block their view of Gregor
with his own body. At this point they became really somewhat irritated,
although one no longer knew whether that was because of the father’s behaviour
or because of knowledge they had just acquired that they had had, without
knowing it, a neighbour like Gregor. They demanded explanations from his
father, raised their arms to make their points, tugged agitatedly at their
beards, and moved back towards their room quite slowly. In the meantime, the
isolation which had suddenly fallen upon his sister after the sudden breaking
off of the recital had overwhelmed her. She had held onto the violin and bow in
her limp hands for a little while and had continued to look at the sheet music
as if she was still playing. All at once she pulled herself together, placed
the instrument in The Metamorphosis 83 of 96
her
mother’s lap (the mother was still sitting in her chair having trouble
breathing and with her lungs labouring) and had run into the next room, which
the lodgers, pressured by the father, were already approaching more rapidly.
One could observe how under the sister’s practiced hands the sheets and pillows
on the beds were thrown on high and arranged. Even before the lodgers had
reached the room, she was finished fixing the beds and was slipping out. The
father seemed so gripped once again with his stubbornness that he forgot about
the respect which he always owed to his renters. He pressed on and on, until at
the door of the room the middle gentleman stamped loudly with his foot and thus
brought the father to a standstill. ‘I hereby declare,’ the middle lodger said,
raising his hand and casting his glance both on the mother and the sister,
‘that considering the disgraceful conditions prevailing in this apartment and
family,’ with this he spat decisively on the floor, ‘I immediately cancel my
room. I will, of course, pay nothing at all for the days which I have lived
here; on the contrary I shall think about whether or not I will initiate some
sort of action against you, something which—believe me— will be very easy to
establish.’ He fell silent and looked directly in front of him, as if he was
waiting for something. In fact, his two The Metamorphosis 84 of 96
friends
immediately joined in with their opinions, ‘We also give immediate notice.’ At
that he seized the door handle, banged the door shut, and locked it.
The
father groped his way tottering to his chair and let himself fall in it. It
looked as if he was stretching out for his usual evening snooze, but the heavy
nodding of his head (which looked as if it was without support) showed that he
was not sleeping at all. Gregor had lain motionless the entire time in the spot
where the lodgers had caught him. Disappointment with the collapse of his plan
and perhaps also his weakness brought on his severe hunger made it impossible
for him to move. He was certainly afraid that a general disaster would break
over him at any moment, and he waited. He was not even startled when the violin
fell from the mother’s lap, out from under her trembling fingers, and gave off
a reverberating tone.
‘My
dear parents,’ said the sister banging her hand on the table by way of an introduction,
‘things cannot go on any longer in this way. Maybe if you don’t understand
that, well, I do. I will not utter my brother’s name in front of this monster,
and thus I say only that we must try to get rid of it. We have tried what is
humanly possible to take care of it and to be patient. I believe that no one
can criticize us in the slightest.’ ‘She is right in a thousand The
Metamorphosis 85 of 96
ways,’
said the father to himself. The mother, who was still incapable of breathing
properly, began to cough numbly with her hand held up over her mouth and a
manic expression in her eyes.
The
sister hurried over to her mother and held her forehead. The sister’s words
seemed to have led the father to certain reflections. He sat upright, played
with his uniform hat among the plates, which still lay on the table from the
lodgers’ evening meal, and looked now and then at the motionless Gregor.
‘We
must try to get rid of it,’ the sister now said decisively to the father, for
the mother, in her coughing fit, wasn’t listening to anything, ‘it is killing
you both. I see it coming. When people have to work as hard as we all do, they
cannot also tolerate this endless torment at home. I just can’t go on any
more.’ And she broke out into such a crying fit that her tears flowed out down
onto her mother’s face. She wiped them off her mother with mechanical motions
of her hands.
‘Child,’
said the father sympathetically and with obvious appreciation, ‘then what
should we do?’
The
sister only shrugged her shoulders as a sign of the perplexity which, in
contrast to her previous confidence, had come over her while she was crying. The
Metamorphosis 86 of 96
‘If
only he understood us,’ said the father in a semi-questioning tone. The sister,
in the midst of her sobbing, shook her hand energetically as a sign that there
was no point thinking of that.
‘If
he only understood us,’ repeated the father and by shutting his eyes he
absorbed the sister’s conviction of the impossibility of this point, ‘then
perhaps some compromise would be possible with him. But as it is…’
‘It
must be gotten rid of,’ cried the sister; ‘That is the only way, father. You
must try to get rid of the idea that this is Gregor. The fact that we have
believed for so long, that is truly our real misfortune. But how can it be
Gregor? If it were Gregor, he would have long ago realized that a communal life
among human beings is not possible with such an animal and would have gone away
voluntarily. Then we would not have a brother, but we could go on living and honour
his memory. But this animal plagues us. It drives away the lodgers, will
obviously take over the entire apartment, and leave us to spend the night in
the alley. Just look, father,’ she suddenly cried out, ‘he’s already starting
up again.’ With a fright which was totally incomprehensible to Gregor, the
sister even left the mother, pushed herself away from her chair, as if she
would sooner sacrifice her mother than The Metamorphosis 87 eBook
brought to you by Create, view, and edit PDF. Download the free trial version.96
remain
in Gregor’s vicinity, and rushed behind her father who, excited merely by her
behaviour, also stood up and half raised his arms in front of the sister as
though to protect her.
But
Gregor did not have any notion of wishing to create problems for anyone and
certainly not for his sister. He had just started to turn himself around in
order to creep back into his room, quite a startling sight, since, as a result
of his suffering condition, he had to guide himself through the difficulty of
turning around with his head, in this process lifting and banging it against
the floor several times. He paused and looked around. His good intentions seem
to have been recognized. The fright had only lasted for a moment. Now they
looked at him in silence and sorrow. His mother lay in her chair, with her legs
stretched out and pressed together; her eyes were almost shut from weariness.
The father and sister sat next to one another. The sister had set her hands
around the father’s neck.
‘
Now perhaps I can actually turn myself around,’ thought Gregor and began the
task again. He couldn’t stop puffing at the effort and had to rest now and
then.
Besides
no on was urging him on. It was all left to him on his own. When he had
completed turning around, he
The Metamorphosis 88 of 96
immediately
began to wander straight back. He was astonished at the great distance which
separated him from his room and did not understand in the least how in his
weakness he had covered the same distance a short time before, almost without
noticing it. Constantly intent only on creeping along quickly, he hardly paid
any attention to the fact that no word or cry from his family interrupted him.
Only
when he was already in the door did he turn his head, not completely, because he
felt his neck growing stiff. At any rate he still saw that behind him nothing
had changed. Only the sister was standing up. His last glimpse brushed over the
mother who was now completely asleep. Hardly was he inside his room when the
door was pushed shut very quickly, bolted fast, and barred. Gregor was startled
by the sudden commotion behind him, so much so that his little limbs bent
double under him. It was his sister who had been in such a hurry. She had stood
up right away, had waited, and had then sprung forward nimbly. Gregor had not
heard anything of her approach. She cried out ‘Finally!’ to her parents, as she
turned the key in the lock.
‘What
now?’ Gregor asked himself and looked around him in the darkness. He soon made
the discovery that he The Metamorphosis 89 of 96
could
no longer move at all. He was not surprised at that. On the contrary, it struck
him as unnatural that he had really been able up to this point to move around
with these thin little legs. Besides he felt relatively content. True, he had
pains throughout his entire body, but it seemed to him that they were gradually
becoming weaker and weaker and would finally go away completely. The rotten
apple in his back and the inflamed surrounding area, entirely covered with
white dust, he hardly noticed. He remembered his family with deep feeling and
love. In this business, his own thought that he had to disappear was, if
possible, even more decisive than his sister’s. He remained in this state of
empty and peaceful reflection until the tower clock struck three o’clock in the
morning. From the window he witnessed the beginning of the general dawning
outside. Then without willing it, his head sank all the way down, and from his
nostrils flowed out weakly out his last breath.
Early
in the morning the cleaning woman came. In her sheer energy and haste she
banged all the doors (in precisely the way people had already asked her to
avoid), so much so that once she arrived a quiet sleep was no longer possible
anywhere in the entire apartment. In her customarily brief visit to Gregor she
at first found nothing The Metamorphosis 90 of 96
special.
She thought he lay so immobile there intending to play the offended party. She
gave him credit for as complete an understanding as possible. Because she
happened to hold the long broom in her hand, she tried to tickle Gregor with it
from the door. When that was quite unsuccessful, she became irritated and poked
Gregor a little, and only when she had shoved him from his place without any
resistance did she become attentive. When she quickly realized the true state
of affairs, her eyes grew large, she whistled to herself, but didn’t restrain
herself for long. She pulled open the door of the bedroom and yelled in a loud
voice into the darkness, ‘Come and look. It’s kicked the bucket. It’s lying
there, totally snuffed!’
The
Samsa married couple sat upright in their marriage bed and had to get over
their fright at the cleaning woman before they managed to grasp her message.
But then Mr. and Mrs. Samsa climbed very quickly out of bed, one on either
side. Mr. Samsa threw the bedspread over his shoulders, Mrs. Samsa came out
only in her night-shirt, and like this they stepped into Gregor’s room.
Meanwhile the door of the living room (in which Grete had slept since the
lodgers had arrived on the scene) had also opened. She was fully clothed, as if
she had not slept at all; her white face also seem to indicate that. ‘Dead?’
said Mrs. The Metamorphosis 91 of 96
Samsa
and looked questioningly at the cleaning woman, although she could check
everything on her own and even understand without a check. ‘I should say so,’
said the cleaning woman and, by way of proof, poked Gregor’s body with the
broom a considerable distance more to the side. Mrs. Samsa made a movement as
if she wished to restrain the broom, but didn’t do it. ‘Well,’ said Mr. Samsa,
‘now we can give thanks to God.’ He crossed himself, and the three women
followed his example.
Grete,
who did not take her eyes off the corpse, said, ‘Look how thin he was. He had
eaten nothing for such a long time. The meals which came in here came out again
exactly the same.’ In fact, Gregor’s body was completely flat and dry. That was
apparent really for the first time, now that he was no longer raised on his
small limbs and, moreover, now that nothing else distracted one’s gaze.
‘Grete,
come into us for a moment,’ said Mrs. Samsa with a melancholy smile, and Grete
went, not without looking back at the corpse, behind her parents into the bed
room. The cleaning woman shut the door and opened the window wide. In spite of
the early morning, the fresh air was partly tinged with warmth. It was already
the end of March. The Metamorphosis 92 of 96
The
three lodgers stepped out of their room and looked around for their breakfast,
astonished that they had been forgotten. ‘Where is the breakfast?’ asked the
middle one of the gentlemen grumpily to the cleaning woman. However, she laid
her finger to her lips and then quickly and silently indicated to the lodgers
that they could come into Gregor’s room. So they came and stood around Gregor’s
corpse, their hands in the pockets of their somewhat worn jackets, in the room,
which was already quite bright.
Then
the door of the bed room opened, and Mr. Samsa appeared in his uniform, with
his wife on one arm and his daughter on the other. All were a little tear
stained. Now and then Grete pressed her face onto her father’s arm.
‘Get
out of my apartment immediately,’ said Mr. Samsa and pulled open the door,
without letting go of the women. ‘What do you mean?’ said the middle lodger,
somewhat dismayed and with a sugary smile. The two others kept their hands
behind them and constantly rubbed them against each other, as if in joyful
anticipation of a great squabble which must end up in their favour. ‘I mean
exactly what I say,’ replied Mr. Samsa and went directly with his two female
companions up to the lodger. The latter at first stood there motionless and
looked at the The Metamorphosis 93 of 96
floor,
as if matters were arranging themselves in a new way in his head. ‘All right,
then we’ll go,’ he said and looked up at Mr. Samsa as if, suddenly overcome by
humility, he was asking fresh permission for this decision. Mr. Samsa merely
nodded to him repeatedly with his eyes open wide.
Following
that, the lodger actually went immediately with long strides into the hall. His
two friends had already been listening for a while with their hands quite
still, and now they hopped smartly after him, as if afraid that Mr. Samsa could
step into the hall ahead of them and disturb their reunion with their leader.
In the hall all three of them took their hats from the coat rack, pulled their
canes from the cane holder, bowed silently, and left the apartment. In what
turned out to be an entirely groundless mistrust, Mr. Samsa stepped with the
two women out onto the landing, leaned against the railing, and looked down as
the three lodgers slowly but steadily made their way down the long staircase,
disappeared on each floor in a certain turn of the stairwell and in a few
seconds came out again. The deeper they proceeded, the more the Samsa family
lost interest in them, and when a butcher with a tray on his head come to meet
them and then with a proud bearing ascended the stairs high above them, Mr. The
Metamorphosis 94 of 96
Samsa.,
together with the women, left the banister, and they all returned, as if
relieved, back into their apartment.
They
decided to pass that day resting and going for a stroll. Not only had they
earned this break from work, but there was no question that they really needed
it. And so they sat down at the table and wrote three letters of apology: Mr.
Samsa to his supervisor, Mrs. Samsa to her client, and Grete to her proprietor.
During the writing the cleaning woman came in to say that she was going off,
for her morning work was finished. The three people writing at first merely
nodded, without glancing up. Only when the cleaning woman was still unwilling
to depart, did they look up angrily. ‘Well?’ asked Mr. Samsa. The cleaning
woman stood smiling in the doorway, as if she had a great stroke of luck to
report to the family but would only do it if she was asked directly. The almost
upright small ostrich feather in her hat, which had irritated Mr. Samsa during
her entire service, swayed lightly in all directions. ‘All right then, what do
you really want?’ asked Mrs. Samsa, whom the cleaning lady still usually
respected. ‘Well,’ answered the cleaning woman (smiling so happily she couldn’t
go on speaking right away), ‘about how that rubbish from the next room should
be thrown out, you mustn’t worry about it. It’s all taken care of.’ Mrs. Samsa The
Metamorphosis 95 of 96
and
Grete bent down to their letters, as though they wanted to go on writing; Mr.
Samsa, who noticed that the cleaning woman wanted to start describing
everything in detail, decisively prevented her with an outstretched hand. But
since she was not allowed to explain, she remembered the great hurry she was
in, and called out, clearly insulted, ‘Ta ta, everyone,’ turned around
furiously and left the apartment with a fearful slamming of the door.
‘This
evening she’ll be let go,’ said Mr. Samsa, but he got no answer from either his
wife or from his daughter, because the cleaning woman seemed to have upset once
again the tranquillity they had just attained. They got up, went to the window
and remained there, with their arms about each other. Mr. Samsa turned around
in his chair in their direction and observed them quietly for a while. Then he
called out, ‘All right, come here then. Let’s finally get rid of old things.
And have a little consideration for me.’ The women attended to him at once.
They rushed to him, caressed him, and quickly ended their letters.
Then
all three left the apartment together, something they had not done for months
now, and took the electric tram into the open air outside the city. The car in
which they were sitting by themselves was totally engulfed by the The
Metamorphosis 96 of 96
warm
sun. They talked to each other, leaning back comfortably in their seats, about
future prospects, and they discovered that on closer observation these were not
at all bad, for all three had employment, about which they had not really
questioned each other at all, which was extremely favorable and with especially
promising prospects. The greatest improvement in their situation at this
moment, of course, had to come from a change of dwelling. Now they wanted to
rent an apartment smaller and cheaper but better situated and generally more practical
than the present one, which Gregor had found. While they amused themselves in
this way, it struck Mr. and Mrs. Samsa almost at the same moment how their
daughter, who was getting more animated all the time, had blossomed recently,
in spite of all the troubles which had made her cheeks pale, into a beautiful
and voluptuous young woman. Growing more silent and almost unconsciously
understanding each other in their glances, they thought that the time was now
at hand to seek out a good honest man for her. And it was something of a
confirmation of their new dreams and good intentions when at the end of their
journey the daughter first lifted herself up and stretched her young body.
0 komentar:
Post a Comment